A Mother’s Reflection in the After

It’s not about me, but yet it affects me. I’m a mom with a daughter who shared her diagnosis with me and her father. It was a moment in which a huge crack split my heart open with questions and the desire to deny what I was hearing. Sworn to secrecy until further notice, we kept the news to ourselves, but a piece of us died every single day, not knowing what the future would bring and just wanting and feeling the need to travel all the miles to where our daughter was to hold her, to hug her, and to tell her that everything would be OK. She needed to keep us at a distance in order to maintain her own sanity for her husband and her young children, but that doesn’t change the fact that a mother always feels the pain of her children, and it was perhaps one of the hardest times to go through. I kept a running document of every piece of news she shared with us throughout her journey. I needed to know and to understand as much as I could, because it was the next best thing to being there with her. When the surgery was over, I made plans to travel to her to help out while she recovered at her request. Accompanying her to her follow up appointments with her surgeons was so deeply important for me and I remember keeping my emotions mindfully intact as I listened and did my best to be supportive without saying too much. We are beyond thankful that the universe granted the blessing of life along with the lessons that that diagnosis of cancer brought overtime. It feels like a cliché to say this, but every day is a gift and life is a blessing to be revered. Everyone’s journey is unique and a cancer journey is one of the biggest dramas that exists. I am a mom who is blessed to have a daughter who has exceeded expectations on all levels, with unconditional love, without reserve every single day. I pray every morning upon waking for my daughter to be cancer free and to continue to live a healthy, happy, purposeful life for many years to come. Life is messy and a cancer journey can make life beyond messy. Yes, it is not about me and yet on a different level, it is.